I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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