I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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