Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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