The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
