you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
