you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
