we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
