Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
