So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
