Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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