Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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