i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
