do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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