im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So much rum. So many feels.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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