I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
