Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
