I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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