i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
