Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
