Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
