I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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