for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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