All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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