none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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