I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
