Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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