Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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