Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
