I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
