Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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