yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
