Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
