Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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