Already got asked if we're dating
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
