Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
