fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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