So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
