just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize