this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
