Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
