I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
