good thing vaginas are great cup holders
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My bed smells like the plague
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