I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
