We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
