Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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