One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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