I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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