the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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