I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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