i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
