I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
