How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
