He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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