Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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