I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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