i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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