just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
