I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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