we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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