It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
