i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
