Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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