with your own penis?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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