those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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