I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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