i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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